reporting-it-how-it-is

The Bench
In Salisbury, elderly residents in a sheltered housing accommodation have been told that they cannot use outside furniture to sit on. One resident has been told to remove his bench outside his flat; he can no longer enjoy the sun on it. The reason being, is that, it takes up two foot of the six foot walkway and is posing a health and safety hazard, says the locality manager for housing. Despite the fact there is also grass to walk on and four foot of pavement for residents to get by surrounding the bench. The resident is baffled by this decision because he says there are other walkways on the complex that are narrowerer than this one. Also, his neighbour has been told to remove his table and two chairs from outside his first floor flat. He says that the table and chairs have been there for 16 years, that is, since he moved in, and, that there has never been an accident. Another resident was told to stop parking his mobility scooter outside his home. The reason the managers wanted the bench removed in the first place was because they say it could impede the safe evacuation of residents in the event of fire.

The half dressed shoppers
In Tiverton, Devon, loads of scantily-clad women and shirtless men went to the Tesco store to stock up on booze and barbecue foods during one of the hot days we’ve had. However, local customers in the store filed a complaint saying they didn’t want to see beer bellies and bare feet. This branch of Tesco has since decided to impose a strict dress code, citing health and safety reasons. The reason was that they didn’t want shirtless customers droping sweat onto the fresh fruit and vegetables. People now need to wear t-shirts and footwear in the store. Customers have been told about the new rules and there are now signposts in the shop windows. In the past, Tesco has lauched a similiar crackdown, where customers have been banned from wearing their pyjamas to a store in Cardiff… why customers would come in with their pyjamas??

The Mermaid
A local of Fishhawk Ranch, Florida, wears a custom-made silicon mermaid suit in the local pool. It amuses everyone to see her flapping her tail in the pool and she is happy to entertain the kids. However, she has been told by the Council she cannot wear her outfit in the pools as it poses a health and safety issue. She is protesting the decision, saying her tail is not made of hard plastic and cannot come off.

The Trampoline
Health and Safety chiefs have ordered a mother to insure her daughters’ trampoline for £3M in case anyone fell off it. The mum installed the toy in her back garden as a present for her two year old daughter. The Asda trampoline does have a safety net secured around it. However, a clipboard-wielding inspector, doing a routine check on the block of flats where the mum and daughter live, spotted the trampoline, told her to take it down or insure it for £3million. The inspector said other children might sneak onto it unsupervised and then injure themselves. The mum has since taken the trampoline down and is searching for insurance, knowing the premiums would be laughable. The only places that sell this type of insurance are theme parks.

The Conkers
It has been reported that children have been asked to wear safety googles when playing with conkers. Also, children partaking in sack races have been banned to do so, due to health and safety reasons. All a bit of madness. Children can and will get hurt, there is a risk to everything, but taking the fun away from life is just sad.

007
MI5 is recruiting for a new health and safety executive, but they cannot tell you much about the job as it’s top secret. They want somebody to ensure their spies are working in a safe environment. To protect national security, applications are told nothing about the buildings, locations or exact nature of the job in the application process. On the spy agency’s website, it says it will be London based with some UK travel.

 

Sources   salisbury journal   daily mail   telegraph

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